Abandoning a “Good” vs. “Bad” Paradigm

Let’s face it, we live in a complicated world. Even without a global pandemic, extremist ideologies, and natural disasters, life would remain complex.

To save finite mental energy, a strategy used by the vast majority of humans (myself included) is to view the world through a prism of “good” vs. “bad.” Beholding the world through these lenses is not only a shortcut that prevents thinking too much, but more profoundly, black and white thinking eliminates much of the discomfort that comes with not knowing. Holding two truths simultaneously often takes people out of their comfort zones, so most of us take the easier and less treacherous route of aligning ourselves with absolutes.

Chickenpox, stress at work, a bee sting, and acne are all reflexively thrown into the bin of “bad.” But what if all the above has something to offer us?

Children who develop chickenpox usually develop antibodies that protect them from contracting the illness as adults. Stress at work might signal that the time has come for a career change or boundary setting. Bee venom is wrought with anti-inflammatory properties that may benefit one’s skin and immune system. A presentation of acne might be precious intel from the body that one should experiment with diet change.

Just like that, we can flip the traditional “good” vs. “bad” script. Of course, there are occurrences far more “bad” and painful than the ones listed here. Even so, is it possible to shift the narrative so we may alchemize pain into something meaningful, like a powerful learning experience? Doing so may move us from victimhood to empowerment.

A metaphor for transforming atrocities into new opportunities might be found in manure. The fruits and vegetables that sustain us are grown from, well yes, animal dung. Similarly, perhaps, pain, grief, disillusionment, disappointment, shit, if you will, can be converted into a positive thing, like new life or regrowth. Similarly, behind some of the most moving works of art lies a story of heartbreak. Take Frida Kahlo’s paintings or Johnny Cash’s songs.

Just as muscles tear to grow and just as the healthiest olive oil hails from the most hostile, scorching desert lands, perhaps the adage what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger possess a nugget of truth.

Reader, all the above musings are not to make light of life’s atrocities. There might be happenings too terrible to view rosily. But maybe, just maybe, if we practice removing negative connotations, we invite ourselves to feel the entire emotional spectrum of what it means to be human without adding additional suffering. Sitting with one’s pain might counterintuitively benefit one more than automatically pushing it away. Much easier said than done. Yet, abandoning a reflexive, “good” vs. “bad” paradigm may liberate us to turn life’s sorrows into opportunities to feel, learn and grow. Even if we can’t control what happens to us, we have some measure of control over the story we tell.